Disappearance.

Pardon my inactivity. Not that anyone gives a toss. I don't really think anyone reads this blog to be honest hahaha.

Life's been a little less interesting since I came back from Bangkok, a little up and down here and there but mainly swamped with work work and work. Looking forward to Bali in June of course, as well as the future I have planned for Laila and myself that will require quite a substantial amount of work for the rest of the year.

But that's expected.

Can't reveal what it is yet, though some already know, but let's just hope it'll come true, of course with the expected bumps along the way. If it's good, it ain't easy right?

But in the mean time, here are some photos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We celebrated International Women's Day at Tandemic today...

Where I am

I will admit that once upon a time, in a not so distant past, I was miserable. Everything in my life seems to be falling apart and I didn't know what was the best way to handle it. It wasn't falling apart all at the same time, but it was cracking bit by bit and I could see it. But just because I could see it, doesn't mean I know how to deal with it.

I never did.

I don't think I ever did.

Right now I may seem like I'm just looking for ways to just get out and travel because I hate my life here. Wrong. I don't hate my life right now. I mean, it could be better but doesn't everybody think that way? Of course life could be better. But for what it's worth, what I have now is alright. It's not the best, but it's not the worst either.

I'm not miserable with where I am right now. I just know that there are more things out there for me to see, learn and experience.

Goodbyes.

Sascha and I never spent more than 12 hours together each time he's here in KL. He contacted a bunch of people on CouchSurfing in December hoping for an answer on a host or even someone to kill time with. I replied saying I'm good to hang out.

So one December day, I decided to meet up with a complete stranger I've met on the internet - possibly getting lectured by friends about how much I'm disregarding my own personal safety by doing this - but not knowing the friendship we soon developed.

Sascha is a big brother type. From the moment we met, he picked on me non-stop like a big brother would to his little sister. He is 9 years older than I am, so I suppose it comes with the territory. 

The first day he was in KL, we spent the whole day together before he heads off to Borneo the next day. After Borneo, he came back to KL and we spent another day together before he left for Bali. Yesterday he came back, we spent some time together before he goes back to his base in Germany -- with his flight to Dubai to connect to Germany being delayed unfortunately.

At 35 years old, Sascha says he's "retired". He spends his days travelling. He made a joke about how he's so close to the typical "mid-life crisis" age. Dr. Drew once said that mid life crisis is a weak cop out by men to act out. Sascha figures he's already been acting out for a while by quitting his job and just travel the world. He strikes me as an intelligent individual, definitely a special friend to have around. A little on the deadpan side but he has a strange and interesting brand of humor. 

Now he's at the airport to board his flight. I drove him to the airport despite the fact that it costs me quite a bit of money and time. I didn't mind. I wanted to spend even a couple of hours with him. We had breakfast together and just hung out before I had to leave for work. 

I don't know when I'll be seeing him again. And I don't know where I'll be seeing him again. He said his next round of trip will be Africa. But he might come back to this neck of the woods in the future. Or maybe I head to wherever he is. 

Sascha is definitely a friend I want to keep in touch with for a long time. I love his company. And maybe spend more than 12 hours together for once. 

I miss the traveller friends I made through CouchSurfing. Saying goodbye is pretty hard, despite only spending time with them at the most 4 days. I guess it's the bond we've created in such a short span of time. I hate to think we'll never see each other again. But the world is small, the possibility of meeting is there :)

Something from the Past, Looking Towards the Future.

Thinking back, 2012 was not a completely pleasant year. But then again, which year was completely pleasant?

Many of my friends told me that they have lived through 2012 with absolutely no regrets. I wish I could say the same for myself. I had my share of regrets in the year 2012 - there are things I wish I had done, things I wish I had done better and things I wish I hadn't done at all. It was a year of many bad, misguided or rushed decisions.

I didn't think a lot of things through, I just did it because it was convenient at the moment.

But of course, the year wasn't a complete shit fest. There were good moments. Mostly towards the end where I begin to be more sociable and meet new people.

2012 was the year I realized that I have not seen the world, and I made an instant decision that I will see the world as soon as humanly possible.

I'm hoping this new year will be the year I sort out my life, clear out the cobwebs and cancel out all the unnecessary noise. Forget what other people say about how I should live my life. There might not be an undo button in life, but there is a refresh. And this is my refresh. I have 364 days left to make a difference in my life. I have 364 chances left to make things right.

I used to think my existence was a mistake.
But I am finally around people who appreciate my existence. And I am forever thankful to God for these people.

I will not quit easily this time around. Enough of that.
I will try harder. I will keep my chin up. I will smile more. I will laugh more. I will keep my steps light, and my determination stronger.

I will be a better person this year.

I broke my laptop

A few months back it started getting harder for me to pull out my laptop charger. I figured some of the rubber melted a little bit and made it sticky.

A couple of nights ago, I think the rubber have completely melted and fused with the inner workings of the laptop. But still I try to pry it out.

... And parts of the inner workings of the laptop was pulled out with it and now I don't think I can charge my laptop -_- or at least I'm too scared to try.

Time to find a shop to get it fixed.

This random update, and pretty much everything else now till I get it fixed will be done on my phone. /sigh

Bright Blinding Lights

I've always been putting my life on hold for everything else, but not myself. I sacrificed so much time and energy and resources towards things and people that never have and never will matter. I keep dreaming about the day where I finally stop doing all that and just live for my own self because I'm still being self-sacrificing and it's infuriating. I'm angry at myself for not just taking charge of my own life and still being tied to shit that just don't matter. 

I wonder everyday why I do this to myself. This is where the self-loathing comes in.

I need to get out of this city, far away where no one knows me. 

That Sense of Belonging

photo by Natasha

10.11.12. I've always wandered around trying to find out where I truly belong. I jumped careers, picked up new skills, meet new people but I've always found myself just floating around aimlessly. 

But last Saturday at the gala premiere of War of the Worlds: Goliath, was the happiest I've felt in a long time -- ever since Jordan left for Hong Kong really. 

It was like a high school reunion. Despite seeing it almost a thousand times before while working on it, I was absolutely proud of myself when it played on the big screen. The feeling is something only a few can relate but I'm sure no one can describe. I've worked on other films before but for some reason I felt prouder for this - maybe I was more involved in it this time around.

The old team was like a family to me - we laughed together, ate together, yelled at each other, get on each other's nerves, hung out together, confided in each other, and spent most of our waking moment together. I loved every minute of it.

Last Saturday was one of the best days of my life. The feeling and the experience, I wouldn't trade it for anything. And no one can take it away from me.

That Serious Case of Wanderlust

Over the weekend, I made a new friend via CouchSurfing. Daniel has been travelling since he was a child and almost a year now, have been away from home. He spent some time in South Korea before moving on to Australia where he worked for a little bit and then explored Indonesia before meeting me here in Kuala Lumpur.

We spent 4 days together where we just chilled out and talked about anything and everything under the sun. I was mainly interested in his travel stories. What he's seen, done, experienced. And for someone who is my age, he's wise beyond his years and it made me realize how little I know about the world. Hell, how little I know about my own backyard. I sucked as a tour guide but it was pretty comforting to know that he didn't expect me to be his tour guide -- he wanted to be a part of my life, and not me being a part of his.

Listening to his stories made me realize how much I want to go out there and see the world. Slowly I begin to understand that humans are just not built to sit at a desk in front of the computer from 9 to 5 for 5 days a week, just to earn money, only to give it to someone else - banks, loans, etc - and not fully enjoying the fruits of our own goddamn labor.

From his stories, I realize that I am suffering from a very severe case of wanderlust.

The thought of backpacking from country to country is scary to me. Simply because I admit, I am attached to my worldly possession. But then I begin to understand that whatever I have now, I can still have it later. If I lose it now, you know, whatever. I can always get it. Because I didn't really need it in the first place.

The thought of just selling off my shit, and keep some essentials and just go from country to country seems a little more appealing now. I don't want to have a car anymore. I don't want to owe money because of my credit card or my car loan or my student loan. I just don't want to have any of that.

One day I'll pack up, sell my shit and just travel the world. Everything comes with sacrifices right? But then again, there are no absolutes.

Thank you for opening my eyes, my mind and my heart :) I can't wait to see the world.

I Went Out Today.

Today is the first time I actually went out to the world after Jordan left for Hong Kong. For a moment, I did enjoy myself.

But there was a little part of me that was empty and as a result of that, I pulled away from the crowd and sat at the corner. It's no one's fault. It wasn't even because of the gig.

When you've been inseparable for the longest time, and when you finish each other's sentences and work the best together, when one goes away even for a short while, it's probably close to losing a limb. A part of you goes on hiatus.

I can still talk to him and hear his voice. But I miss the hugs and him holding my hand. I miss him being weird next to me, and not over Skype, miles away.

He is my rock, my security blanket and my knight. It's been one week, I have 2 months and 3 weeks left till I see him again. I haven't cried since he left... Until now.

I miss you. You have no idea.

Changes

*dusts off blog* it's been a while, huh?

If you haven't been following my twitter feed (which I'm sure you haven't because my life is actually boring), I'm going through some changes in my life. I'm not sure whether it is for better or for worse, but it's definitely changing.

The first change is getting a new job. And it's not in post. Once again I'm taking another leap to a different industry. I've done that once already. Don't get me wrong though - i love working in post. It's the one thing that I feel like I'm doing right. But doing it in this country, and this industry here, no matter how many hours and hard work you put in, it tires you out and you begin to wonder if it was all worth the effort at all. Hopefully I come back to post one day in a better climate. I'll probably still take up some freelance anyway because I'll have a little more time on my hands. So I'm not completely out of the loop yet.

My boyfriend had just left for Hong Kong. He received an offer to become a colorist there and is actually doing pretty well. A little disappointed with myself that I didn't even try for the job seeing as how I want to become a colorist. But whatever. No use feeling sorry for myself now. He seems pretty alright there. It's only for 3 months, at least for now. I thought it'd be pretty hard to get used to him not being around seeing as how for the past 2 years we've been pretty much inseparable.

Maybe some time apart will do us some good.

I'm switching gyms. Because of the amount of time I have now, I decided to go ahead and sign up for a different gym. Curves was good, don't get me wrong, and it is perfect for older ladies, physical rehabilitation, or people who have never ever exercise before, but i'm hardly sedentary nowadays. And I want more classes and flexibility in time and my workouts.

I also recently cut my hair, which I don't really like. That's the last time I'll go to that hair salon. Went there because I had a groupon. Now I realized maybe paying rm88 may actually been a complete waste of money I would still have now.

A lot of things have been going on in the last stretch of the year. I wonder what else.
Here's some photos. I need to past out.

Intense pain

Most of us have gotten chickenpox when we were little. Some parents even shoved their kids to other kids who have the chickenpox so they'll get it young. Now I more or less understand why.

I had chickenpox when I was little. But a few days ago, the doctor told me I had contracted the herpes zoster virus. Before you jump into all sort of conclusion due to lack of information, chickenpox is caused by the varicella zoster virus, which even though you got them can develop into herpes zoster, commonly known as shingles caused by reactivation of the varicella zoster virus YEAAAAAAARS after having chickenpox.

So no, my herpes (lol it's still funny to say it) is not on my genitals, but it's on my chest to my back. All on the left side. It starts from the middle of my chest, all the way to my spine, following my ribs. The sores are in one straight line.

The sores appear within the course of 4 days. It started Monday when I felt a burning sensation on my skin. But there were no redness or rashes. My chest hurts when I push down on it but my lungs weren't in pain. It hurts my back when I breathe. I thought I had somehow bruised my ribs. Looking back now, I wish I had bruised my ribs instead.

I finally went to the clinic on Thursday, I couldn't take the pain anymore. Doctor said I got herpes zoster but the rashes hadn't surfaced fully yet. He prescribed me some antivirals and cream (the same one for genital herpes says the box). I went to work on Friday not knowing that it's actually contagious.

It didn't go down much on Saturday so I went for a follow up. It's full blow herpes zoster now and more sores creep up. I was told by the doctor to keep myself quarantined over the next few days. I have 3 days worth of medication left and I was told it'll go down by the 4th day of infection. It's the 3rd day since I started taking the medication 5 times a day.

Why am I telling you this? To keep yourself healthy.

But also, remember that the herpes simplex virus isn't only on the genitals, but also on the skin. And I am unlucky enough to get it.

I'll tell you this: I would rather fracture my arm 10 times than go through this again. This has to be the worst thing that has happened to me medically.

Gift of the Written Word

When I was a younger teenager, I used to write a lot. Mainly fiction. I kept a few physical journals, several Livejournal accounts and a few blogs. Up until I was 20, I used to update my blog 8 to 10 times a day. My imagination ran wilder than a masterless horse. I used to have a way of communicating a whole lot more and I used to have a lot more stories to tell.

But as I get older, I began to be a little more reserved, less of a storyteller. I can't figure out why exactly. I don't like to think that I have just exhausted my imagination and gave way to the real adult life and ways of thinking.

For the past 6 weeks, I have taken on an online screenwriting class from UCLA. It is probably the best RM2000+ I've spent so far. But I noticed as I wrote my midterm and especially final year paper, I began to face some difficulties. Mainly in expressing and explaining certain points. I couldn't find the words.

And it makes me sad. My dad always said that I have this gift for words. But I fear I might have lost it as I got older.

After dropping out of MMU, the six months I spent at home was when I did the most of my writing. Fiction mainly. But when I finally went back to school, my writing was restricted to academic writing. In the first semester I had written a 200-page report for Sociology and it made me realize that my professors are never going to read it page to page. So I began to write shorter reports, shorter essays. The reports and essay still delivered my points, but it was in a more... simple language. Simply because I had group members that needed to read it to understand in order to do presentations.

Not to say that they were dumb, not at all. But I realized that some people might just not get to where I was going with the reports.

But in my eyes, I see it as what it is: I got lazy.


I hate to admit that I've gotten lazy. I want to be able to write and create better stories for people to read. I want to be able to pick up a book again and read and expand my imagination in order for me to write my own stories. But it's even harder to pick up a book and finish reading it nowadays because I just get incredibly exhausted.

I want to write again. I want to be able to put together words that will invoke an emotion in a person - make them happy, make them upset, provoke and disturb them in ways that I used to know how.

It's Been A While

Greetings, people from the land of the living.

I've been terrible at updating even when I have absolutely nothing to do. Well, the movie I've been slaving my ass over with the team has safely been debuted at San Diego Comic Con and apparently gotten alright reaction from the crowd. I say apparently because I wasn't there to know for sure (obviously).

After the movie was done we actually had a complete week off, which was much needed. And was I at all productive the whole week? Partially. I had to finish my midterm paper.

My Blackberry finally crapped out. When I say crapped out, I meant so bad I couldn't press any button except the A button. So I got my hands on a brand spanking new Samsung Galaxy S3. Best decision ever (despite being broke afterwards).

The week before the holidays I FINALLY got to see Motion City Soundtrack live in KL. KL! What are the odds? I never knew they had a considerably large fanbase here. The venue was small so it was quite upclose and personal. And Amir wore a Rilakkuma きぐるみ。That's a way to get noticed by the band -- and he was too! Justin Pierre gave him a high five and said they'll come again one day. 10 years waiting paid off.

Now we're back at work during the fasting month. It's pretty slow for now so we're just coming up with random animations and I'm creating the company website (we're pretty new you see lol).

Overall it's been good and decent. I'm looking forward to what the future brings. More opportunities I hope.