I Went Out Today.

Today is the first time I actually went out to the world after Jordan left for Hong Kong. For a moment, I did enjoy myself.

But there was a little part of me that was empty and as a result of that, I pulled away from the crowd and sat at the corner. It's no one's fault. It wasn't even because of the gig.

When you've been inseparable for the longest time, and when you finish each other's sentences and work the best together, when one goes away even for a short while, it's probably close to losing a limb. A part of you goes on hiatus.

I can still talk to him and hear his voice. But I miss the hugs and him holding my hand. I miss him being weird next to me, and not over Skype, miles away.

He is my rock, my security blanket and my knight. It's been one week, I have 2 months and 3 weeks left till I see him again. I haven't cried since he left... Until now.

I miss you. You have no idea.

Changes

*dusts off blog* it's been a while, huh?

If you haven't been following my twitter feed (which I'm sure you haven't because my life is actually boring), I'm going through some changes in my life. I'm not sure whether it is for better or for worse, but it's definitely changing.

The first change is getting a new job. And it's not in post. Once again I'm taking another leap to a different industry. I've done that once already. Don't get me wrong though - i love working in post. It's the one thing that I feel like I'm doing right. But doing it in this country, and this industry here, no matter how many hours and hard work you put in, it tires you out and you begin to wonder if it was all worth the effort at all. Hopefully I come back to post one day in a better climate. I'll probably still take up some freelance anyway because I'll have a little more time on my hands. So I'm not completely out of the loop yet.

My boyfriend had just left for Hong Kong. He received an offer to become a colorist there and is actually doing pretty well. A little disappointed with myself that I didn't even try for the job seeing as how I want to become a colorist. But whatever. No use feeling sorry for myself now. He seems pretty alright there. It's only for 3 months, at least for now. I thought it'd be pretty hard to get used to him not being around seeing as how for the past 2 years we've been pretty much inseparable.

Maybe some time apart will do us some good.

I'm switching gyms. Because of the amount of time I have now, I decided to go ahead and sign up for a different gym. Curves was good, don't get me wrong, and it is perfect for older ladies, physical rehabilitation, or people who have never ever exercise before, but i'm hardly sedentary nowadays. And I want more classes and flexibility in time and my workouts.

I also recently cut my hair, which I don't really like. That's the last time I'll go to that hair salon. Went there because I had a groupon. Now I realized maybe paying rm88 may actually been a complete waste of money I would still have now.

A lot of things have been going on in the last stretch of the year. I wonder what else.
Here's some photos. I need to past out.

Quarter of a Century

I turned 25 on the third day of Eid. Shit just got that much serious. Now I need to get real with my life and future now. For real.

First, pictures of my Eid. Hopefully you had a good one.

Intense pain

Most of us have gotten chickenpox when we were little. Some parents even shoved their kids to other kids who have the chickenpox so they'll get it young. Now I more or less understand why.

I had chickenpox when I was little. But a few days ago, the doctor told me I had contracted the herpes zoster virus. Before you jump into all sort of conclusion due to lack of information, chickenpox is caused by the varicella zoster virus, which even though you got them can develop into herpes zoster, commonly known as shingles caused by reactivation of the varicella zoster virus YEAAAAAAARS after having chickenpox.

So no, my herpes (lol it's still funny to say it) is not on my genitals, but it's on my chest to my back. All on the left side. It starts from the middle of my chest, all the way to my spine, following my ribs. The sores are in one straight line.

The sores appear within the course of 4 days. It started Monday when I felt a burning sensation on my skin. But there were no redness or rashes. My chest hurts when I push down on it but my lungs weren't in pain. It hurts my back when I breathe. I thought I had somehow bruised my ribs. Looking back now, I wish I had bruised my ribs instead.

I finally went to the clinic on Thursday, I couldn't take the pain anymore. Doctor said I got herpes zoster but the rashes hadn't surfaced fully yet. He prescribed me some antivirals and cream (the same one for genital herpes says the box). I went to work on Friday not knowing that it's actually contagious.

It didn't go down much on Saturday so I went for a follow up. It's full blow herpes zoster now and more sores creep up. I was told by the doctor to keep myself quarantined over the next few days. I have 3 days worth of medication left and I was told it'll go down by the 4th day of infection. It's the 3rd day since I started taking the medication 5 times a day.

Why am I telling you this? To keep yourself healthy.

But also, remember that the herpes simplex virus isn't only on the genitals, but also on the skin. And I am unlucky enough to get it.

I'll tell you this: I would rather fracture my arm 10 times than go through this again. This has to be the worst thing that has happened to me medically.

Gift of the Written Word

When I was a younger teenager, I used to write a lot. Mainly fiction. I kept a few physical journals, several Livejournal accounts and a few blogs. Up until I was 20, I used to update my blog 8 to 10 times a day. My imagination ran wilder than a masterless horse. I used to have a way of communicating a whole lot more and I used to have a lot more stories to tell.

But as I get older, I began to be a little more reserved, less of a storyteller. I can't figure out why exactly. I don't like to think that I have just exhausted my imagination and gave way to the real adult life and ways of thinking.

For the past 6 weeks, I have taken on an online screenwriting class from UCLA. It is probably the best RM2000+ I've spent so far. But I noticed as I wrote my midterm and especially final year paper, I began to face some difficulties. Mainly in expressing and explaining certain points. I couldn't find the words.

And it makes me sad. My dad always said that I have this gift for words. But I fear I might have lost it as I got older.

After dropping out of MMU, the six months I spent at home was when I did the most of my writing. Fiction mainly. But when I finally went back to school, my writing was restricted to academic writing. In the first semester I had written a 200-page report for Sociology and it made me realize that my professors are never going to read it page to page. So I began to write shorter reports, shorter essays. The reports and essay still delivered my points, but it was in a more... simple language. Simply because I had group members that needed to read it to understand in order to do presentations.

Not to say that they were dumb, not at all. But I realized that some people might just not get to where I was going with the reports.

But in my eyes, I see it as what it is: I got lazy.


I hate to admit that I've gotten lazy. I want to be able to write and create better stories for people to read. I want to be able to pick up a book again and read and expand my imagination in order for me to write my own stories. But it's even harder to pick up a book and finish reading it nowadays because I just get incredibly exhausted.

I want to write again. I want to be able to put together words that will invoke an emotion in a person - make them happy, make them upset, provoke and disturb them in ways that I used to know how.