2012 Recap - IN INSTAGRAM!

So because I'm super lazy to elaborate every single detail of 2012, I'll express it by means of Instagram photographs because I can. Be warned, this post is obviously photo heavy.

ONWARD!

I broke my laptop

A few months back it started getting harder for me to pull out my laptop charger. I figured some of the rubber melted a little bit and made it sticky.

A couple of nights ago, I think the rubber have completely melted and fused with the inner workings of the laptop. But still I try to pry it out.

... And parts of the inner workings of the laptop was pulled out with it and now I don't think I can charge my laptop -_- or at least I'm too scared to try.

Time to find a shop to get it fixed.

This random update, and pretty much everything else now till I get it fixed will be done on my phone. /sigh

Bright Blinding Lights

I've always been putting my life on hold for everything else, but not myself. I sacrificed so much time and energy and resources towards things and people that never have and never will matter. I keep dreaming about the day where I finally stop doing all that and just live for my own self because I'm still being self-sacrificing and it's infuriating. I'm angry at myself for not just taking charge of my own life and still being tied to shit that just don't matter. 

I wonder everyday why I do this to myself. This is where the self-loathing comes in.

I need to get out of this city, far away where no one knows me. 

That Sense of Belonging

photo by Natasha

10.11.12. I've always wandered around trying to find out where I truly belong. I jumped careers, picked up new skills, meet new people but I've always found myself just floating around aimlessly. 

But last Saturday at the gala premiere of War of the Worlds: Goliath, was the happiest I've felt in a long time -- ever since Jordan left for Hong Kong really. 

It was like a high school reunion. Despite seeing it almost a thousand times before while working on it, I was absolutely proud of myself when it played on the big screen. The feeling is something only a few can relate but I'm sure no one can describe. I've worked on other films before but for some reason I felt prouder for this - maybe I was more involved in it this time around.

The old team was like a family to me - we laughed together, ate together, yelled at each other, get on each other's nerves, hung out together, confided in each other, and spent most of our waking moment together. I loved every minute of it.

Last Saturday was one of the best days of my life. The feeling and the experience, I wouldn't trade it for anything. And no one can take it away from me.

That Serious Case of Wanderlust

Over the weekend, I made a new friend via CouchSurfing. Daniel has been travelling since he was a child and almost a year now, have been away from home. He spent some time in South Korea before moving on to Australia where he worked for a little bit and then explored Indonesia before meeting me here in Kuala Lumpur.

We spent 4 days together where we just chilled out and talked about anything and everything under the sun. I was mainly interested in his travel stories. What he's seen, done, experienced. And for someone who is my age, he's wise beyond his years and it made me realize how little I know about the world. Hell, how little I know about my own backyard. I sucked as a tour guide but it was pretty comforting to know that he didn't expect me to be his tour guide -- he wanted to be a part of my life, and not me being a part of his.

Listening to his stories made me realize how much I want to go out there and see the world. Slowly I begin to understand that humans are just not built to sit at a desk in front of the computer from 9 to 5 for 5 days a week, just to earn money, only to give it to someone else - banks, loans, etc - and not fully enjoying the fruits of our own goddamn labor.

From his stories, I realize that I am suffering from a very severe case of wanderlust.

The thought of backpacking from country to country is scary to me. Simply because I admit, I am attached to my worldly possession. But then I begin to understand that whatever I have now, I can still have it later. If I lose it now, you know, whatever. I can always get it. Because I didn't really need it in the first place.

The thought of just selling off my shit, and keep some essentials and just go from country to country seems a little more appealing now. I don't want to have a car anymore. I don't want to owe money because of my credit card or my car loan or my student loan. I just don't want to have any of that.

One day I'll pack up, sell my shit and just travel the world. Everything comes with sacrifices right? But then again, there are no absolutes.

Thank you for opening my eyes, my mind and my heart :) I can't wait to see the world.

How to be a Big Girl: Taking it one step at a time

As far as I can remember, I've always wanted to be somebody. I spent most of my adult life trying to prove to my family, my friends, people and of course, myself that I can be someone great. But at the same time, for as long as I can remember, it has never ever been an easy ride.

But then I realize the reason why it's never been easy is because I'm trying to prove myself to other people more than to myself. I can psycho myself into thinking that I am doing this to prove something to myself but it's never the case. Not for me, not even for everyone else.

As much as I deny it, I do take stock into what people think or say about me. It's a bad habit, I know. But I just can't help it. Everyone can go around saying "oh, don't think too much about what people think about you" but it's not that simple. Your performance, attitude and how you bring yourself matters to you and the people around you. And most of the time, you don't even realize that you DO take into account what other people think about you.

I can safely say that, yes, I did care about what people think about me. And I still do. Only because I want to be the best at everything I do. It doesn't matter what - I just want to be really good at it because everyone should do the best at everything they want to do.

Sometimes I still wonder if I had made the best choices in life. But no one really knows what "the best choices" are. You kinda have to just wing it.

I've learned to mellow down just a little over the past couple of years and I should take each day on as it comes. Whatever that lies the day after is a whole different story and I should not beat myself up if the next day is actually not as good as the last. The next day is always the unexpected.

We can all plan all we want but the universe may lead us to some kind of detour or crossroad. And taking one different turn could mean a whole lot more in the future.

I have my plans for the future for sure because I'm just wired like that. I'm paranoid by nature and working in post production has further strengthen that trait of mine. My best friend pointed out that I can only stop being paranoid once whatever I worked on has made it to the screen. Which is true. Because it's only then I can relax. That's probably why I'm a little jumpy at this new job and try extremely hard to wrap my head around what needs to be done.

Needless to say, I am extremely overwhelmed. But then again, I get overwhelmed pretty easily because I do live some sort of a routine, monotonous life. At this point, I'm comfortable with that. On one hand it's nice being comfortable. But on the other, it scares me half to death wondering if I'm doomed to a life of boredom. But I'm trying very hard to stop thinking too far ahead because so far, it has left me with nothing but heartache. I don't take too kindly to bad news.

It's actually pretty hard taking things on one day at a time. Harder than having a plan. At least for me. But for now, I think I'm going to settle with taking it one step at a time.

I Went Out Today.

Today is the first time I actually went out to the world after Jordan left for Hong Kong. For a moment, I did enjoy myself.

But there was a little part of me that was empty and as a result of that, I pulled away from the crowd and sat at the corner. It's no one's fault. It wasn't even because of the gig.

When you've been inseparable for the longest time, and when you finish each other's sentences and work the best together, when one goes away even for a short while, it's probably close to losing a limb. A part of you goes on hiatus.

I can still talk to him and hear his voice. But I miss the hugs and him holding my hand. I miss him being weird next to me, and not over Skype, miles away.

He is my rock, my security blanket and my knight. It's been one week, I have 2 months and 3 weeks left till I see him again. I haven't cried since he left... Until now.

I miss you. You have no idea.

Changes

*dusts off blog* it's been a while, huh?

If you haven't been following my twitter feed (which I'm sure you haven't because my life is actually boring), I'm going through some changes in my life. I'm not sure whether it is for better or for worse, but it's definitely changing.

The first change is getting a new job. And it's not in post. Once again I'm taking another leap to a different industry. I've done that once already. Don't get me wrong though - i love working in post. It's the one thing that I feel like I'm doing right. But doing it in this country, and this industry here, no matter how many hours and hard work you put in, it tires you out and you begin to wonder if it was all worth the effort at all. Hopefully I come back to post one day in a better climate. I'll probably still take up some freelance anyway because I'll have a little more time on my hands. So I'm not completely out of the loop yet.

My boyfriend had just left for Hong Kong. He received an offer to become a colorist there and is actually doing pretty well. A little disappointed with myself that I didn't even try for the job seeing as how I want to become a colorist. But whatever. No use feeling sorry for myself now. He seems pretty alright there. It's only for 3 months, at least for now. I thought it'd be pretty hard to get used to him not being around seeing as how for the past 2 years we've been pretty much inseparable.

Maybe some time apart will do us some good.

I'm switching gyms. Because of the amount of time I have now, I decided to go ahead and sign up for a different gym. Curves was good, don't get me wrong, and it is perfect for older ladies, physical rehabilitation, or people who have never ever exercise before, but i'm hardly sedentary nowadays. And I want more classes and flexibility in time and my workouts.

I also recently cut my hair, which I don't really like. That's the last time I'll go to that hair salon. Went there because I had a groupon. Now I realized maybe paying rm88 may actually been a complete waste of money I would still have now.

A lot of things have been going on in the last stretch of the year. I wonder what else.
Here's some photos. I need to past out.

Quarter of a Century

I turned 25 on the third day of Eid. Shit just got that much serious. Now I need to get real with my life and future now. For real.

First, pictures of my Eid. Hopefully you had a good one.

Intense pain

Most of us have gotten chickenpox when we were little. Some parents even shoved their kids to other kids who have the chickenpox so they'll get it young. Now I more or less understand why.

I had chickenpox when I was little. But a few days ago, the doctor told me I had contracted the herpes zoster virus. Before you jump into all sort of conclusion due to lack of information, chickenpox is caused by the varicella zoster virus, which even though you got them can develop into herpes zoster, commonly known as shingles caused by reactivation of the varicella zoster virus YEAAAAAAARS after having chickenpox.

So no, my herpes (lol it's still funny to say it) is not on my genitals, but it's on my chest to my back. All on the left side. It starts from the middle of my chest, all the way to my spine, following my ribs. The sores are in one straight line.

The sores appear within the course of 4 days. It started Monday when I felt a burning sensation on my skin. But there were no redness or rashes. My chest hurts when I push down on it but my lungs weren't in pain. It hurts my back when I breathe. I thought I had somehow bruised my ribs. Looking back now, I wish I had bruised my ribs instead.

I finally went to the clinic on Thursday, I couldn't take the pain anymore. Doctor said I got herpes zoster but the rashes hadn't surfaced fully yet. He prescribed me some antivirals and cream (the same one for genital herpes says the box). I went to work on Friday not knowing that it's actually contagious.

It didn't go down much on Saturday so I went for a follow up. It's full blow herpes zoster now and more sores creep up. I was told by the doctor to keep myself quarantined over the next few days. I have 3 days worth of medication left and I was told it'll go down by the 4th day of infection. It's the 3rd day since I started taking the medication 5 times a day.

Why am I telling you this? To keep yourself healthy.

But also, remember that the herpes simplex virus isn't only on the genitals, but also on the skin. And I am unlucky enough to get it.

I'll tell you this: I would rather fracture my arm 10 times than go through this again. This has to be the worst thing that has happened to me medically.

Gift of the Written Word

When I was a younger teenager, I used to write a lot. Mainly fiction. I kept a few physical journals, several Livejournal accounts and a few blogs. Up until I was 20, I used to update my blog 8 to 10 times a day. My imagination ran wilder than a masterless horse. I used to have a way of communicating a whole lot more and I used to have a lot more stories to tell.

But as I get older, I began to be a little more reserved, less of a storyteller. I can't figure out why exactly. I don't like to think that I have just exhausted my imagination and gave way to the real adult life and ways of thinking.

For the past 6 weeks, I have taken on an online screenwriting class from UCLA. It is probably the best RM2000+ I've spent so far. But I noticed as I wrote my midterm and especially final year paper, I began to face some difficulties. Mainly in expressing and explaining certain points. I couldn't find the words.

And it makes me sad. My dad always said that I have this gift for words. But I fear I might have lost it as I got older.

After dropping out of MMU, the six months I spent at home was when I did the most of my writing. Fiction mainly. But when I finally went back to school, my writing was restricted to academic writing. In the first semester I had written a 200-page report for Sociology and it made me realize that my professors are never going to read it page to page. So I began to write shorter reports, shorter essays. The reports and essay still delivered my points, but it was in a more... simple language. Simply because I had group members that needed to read it to understand in order to do presentations.

Not to say that they were dumb, not at all. But I realized that some people might just not get to where I was going with the reports.

But in my eyes, I see it as what it is: I got lazy.


I hate to admit that I've gotten lazy. I want to be able to write and create better stories for people to read. I want to be able to pick up a book again and read and expand my imagination in order for me to write my own stories. But it's even harder to pick up a book and finish reading it nowadays because I just get incredibly exhausted.

I want to write again. I want to be able to put together words that will invoke an emotion in a person - make them happy, make them upset, provoke and disturb them in ways that I used to know how.

It's Been A While

Greetings, people from the land of the living.

I've been terrible at updating even when I have absolutely nothing to do. Well, the movie I've been slaving my ass over with the team has safely been debuted at San Diego Comic Con and apparently gotten alright reaction from the crowd. I say apparently because I wasn't there to know for sure (obviously).

After the movie was done we actually had a complete week off, which was much needed. And was I at all productive the whole week? Partially. I had to finish my midterm paper.

My Blackberry finally crapped out. When I say crapped out, I meant so bad I couldn't press any button except the A button. So I got my hands on a brand spanking new Samsung Galaxy S3. Best decision ever (despite being broke afterwards).

The week before the holidays I FINALLY got to see Motion City Soundtrack live in KL. KL! What are the odds? I never knew they had a considerably large fanbase here. The venue was small so it was quite upclose and personal. And Amir wore a Rilakkuma きぐるみ。That's a way to get noticed by the band -- and he was too! Justin Pierre gave him a high five and said they'll come again one day. 10 years waiting paid off.

Now we're back at work during the fasting month. It's pretty slow for now so we're just coming up with random animations and I'm creating the company website (we're pretty new you see lol).

Overall it's been good and decent. I'm looking forward to what the future brings. More opportunities I hope.

Chick Gamer: I sold my soul to the devil

*cleans out the cobwebs*
It's be ages since I wrote anything here. Things have been pretty hectic at work lately -- especially with the fact that we'll be sending our first stereoscopic 3D converted animated feature to San Diego Comic Con next Thursday. Every time I think about it, it gives me all sorts of weird emotions.

Frankly, I have NO IDEA how to feel -- I'm nervous, excited, terrified and perhaps almost relieved.

But this entry isn't entirely about my job because as much as I love my job, I do want to break away from it from time to time.

Most of my colleagues have gotten on to the Diablo 3 bandwagon. I admit that I was never interested in games by Blizzard. But I haven't been playing much video games because I barely have the time to do so. Lately, because of the stresses at work, I needed to take my mind off. So one of my colleagues gave me a Diablo 3 guest pass to try it out.

So I did. And I finished the allocated level in 2 hours. And then I found myself wanting more.

So I caved in and bought myself an actual legit copy of Diablo 3 from Gamer's Hideout.

I find myself playing the game dead into the night and almost falling asleep on my keyboard STILL playing it. I spent almost the whole of Sunday just playing and levelling up while battling period cramps. In 2 days, my wizard character gone up to level 20. Yesterday, she was at level 27. 

I never thought I'd get sucked into PC gaming. I haven't since Left4Dead 2 and that was a first person shooter. That was the closest to PC gaming I've ever gotten. That and The Sims. 

I have an upcoming holiday and I'm pretty sure I know how to spend the one week off of work on :DDDD

Books for Sale!

Back when I was in college, I bought a lot of books. But now, working, I hardly have time to even read the newspaper, let alone a book. So rather than letting them collect dust in the corner, I'd like them to have a new home. I'm letting them go pretty cheap: I wrapped most of my books with plastic cover. But of course, the pages are yellowing and have spots. These books were bought at almost RM100+ and I'm letting them go for less than RM50 simply because the pages are yellowing. But otherwise, they're in very good condition.

PLEASE READ
1. Postage or COD. I can mail the books to you via Pos Laju (please request if you want same day). Book prices are not inclusive of postage. I refer to Amazon for book weight and cross check the shipping price on the Pos Malaysia website, so final prices will be determined by how much postage will be.

COD available in PJ (Jaya One, Section 17) from Mondays to Saturdays during lunch time. Kota Damansara, Mutiara Damansara and Damansara Perdana on Sundays.

2. If you're opting for postage, you can bank in the money to me into my bank accounts (CIMB or Maybank. Citibank account details to be posted soon) and either send me an email alert, screencap of the online transaction or email me the bank in slip.

3. If you're okay with these conditions and want to purchase, please leave a comment on this post with your email address so I can get back to you on the purchase.


4. If you buy more than 3 books, you get free postage or if COD, I can knock down the price for you.

If you think the prices I put up is expensive for second hand books, please bear in mind that I bought these books during my uni days. No, I didn't use my student loan - at the time of purchase, I was not even eligible for loan. I saved up allowances to get these books and I took care of them well (albeit a little dusty).

NOW ONWARDS TO THE BOOKS!

It's building up

It's been awhile since I posted anything of writing on this blog. Here goes.

A couple of days back I woke up with what has only ever been described to me but never experienced it myself as vertigo. Dizziness and the room was spinning. The worst part was driving all the way across the Penchala and Duke highway just to get to work (yeah I work in Ampang now). I thought it would go away after a while but the dizziness persisted till evening.

Since I was in for a long night, i caved in and went to the clinic. I told the doctor what happened and he checked my blood pressure.

Vertigo is usually associated with low blood pressure and loss of blood. While I had my period but low BP was totally not the case.

My blood pressure was 140/90.



According to this chart, that was borderline hypertension and high BP. Please remember that I am 25. But my family has a history of high BP and heart diseases.

Dad scared me into being less stressed when he told me about the pills to control the BP. And he mentioned that I will have to take it for the rest of my life. I'm fine with that if I'm 50 and unhealthy. But I'm 25. Oh god.

I guess thats cue to take it easy.

I need that vacation.

Speaking of which, I am pushing my vacation date to February or march. Kinda need more money. And I'm only gonna try crowd sourcing around my birthday because that seems more legit lol.

Work deadline is getting scarily close and it's freaking me out to no end. I think that's where all the stress is coming from. Ugh god.

My last post was all the instagram photos from May. We moved to the Ampang office. We're clocking in more hours but that's the job. Oh and we have our own cinema in the office. Nyahahahahaha.

Lunchbox Instagram: Maystagram

Images from May. Food. Birthdays. Moving. New office. New environment. New beginning.