Something from the Past, Looking Towards the Future.

Thinking back, 2012 was not a completely pleasant year. But then again, which year was completely pleasant?

Many of my friends told me that they have lived through 2012 with absolutely no regrets. I wish I could say the same for myself. I had my share of regrets in the year 2012 - there are things I wish I had done, things I wish I had done better and things I wish I hadn't done at all. It was a year of many bad, misguided or rushed decisions.

I didn't think a lot of things through, I just did it because it was convenient at the moment.

But of course, the year wasn't a complete shit fest. There were good moments. Mostly towards the end where I begin to be more sociable and meet new people.

2012 was the year I realized that I have not seen the world, and I made an instant decision that I will see the world as soon as humanly possible.

I'm hoping this new year will be the year I sort out my life, clear out the cobwebs and cancel out all the unnecessary noise. Forget what other people say about how I should live my life. There might not be an undo button in life, but there is a refresh. And this is my refresh. I have 364 days left to make a difference in my life. I have 364 chances left to make things right.

I used to think my existence was a mistake.
But I am finally around people who appreciate my existence. And I am forever thankful to God for these people.

I will not quit easily this time around. Enough of that.
I will try harder. I will keep my chin up. I will smile more. I will laugh more. I will keep my steps light, and my determination stronger.

I will be a better person this year.

2012 Recap - IN INSTAGRAM!

So because I'm super lazy to elaborate every single detail of 2012, I'll express it by means of Instagram photographs because I can. Be warned, this post is obviously photo heavy.

ONWARD!

I broke my laptop

A few months back it started getting harder for me to pull out my laptop charger. I figured some of the rubber melted a little bit and made it sticky.

A couple of nights ago, I think the rubber have completely melted and fused with the inner workings of the laptop. But still I try to pry it out.

... And parts of the inner workings of the laptop was pulled out with it and now I don't think I can charge my laptop -_- or at least I'm too scared to try.

Time to find a shop to get it fixed.

This random update, and pretty much everything else now till I get it fixed will be done on my phone. /sigh

Bright Blinding Lights

I've always been putting my life on hold for everything else, but not myself. I sacrificed so much time and energy and resources towards things and people that never have and never will matter. I keep dreaming about the day where I finally stop doing all that and just live for my own self because I'm still being self-sacrificing and it's infuriating. I'm angry at myself for not just taking charge of my own life and still being tied to shit that just don't matter. 

I wonder everyday why I do this to myself. This is where the self-loathing comes in.

I need to get out of this city, far away where no one knows me. 

That Sense of Belonging

photo by Natasha

10.11.12. I've always wandered around trying to find out where I truly belong. I jumped careers, picked up new skills, meet new people but I've always found myself just floating around aimlessly. 

But last Saturday at the gala premiere of War of the Worlds: Goliath, was the happiest I've felt in a long time -- ever since Jordan left for Hong Kong really. 

It was like a high school reunion. Despite seeing it almost a thousand times before while working on it, I was absolutely proud of myself when it played on the big screen. The feeling is something only a few can relate but I'm sure no one can describe. I've worked on other films before but for some reason I felt prouder for this - maybe I was more involved in it this time around.

The old team was like a family to me - we laughed together, ate together, yelled at each other, get on each other's nerves, hung out together, confided in each other, and spent most of our waking moment together. I loved every minute of it.

Last Saturday was one of the best days of my life. The feeling and the experience, I wouldn't trade it for anything. And no one can take it away from me.