Bright Blinding Lights

I've always been putting my life on hold for everything else, but not myself. I sacrificed so much time and energy and resources towards things and people that never have and never will matter. I keep dreaming about the day where I finally stop doing all that and just live for my own self because I'm still being self-sacrificing and it's infuriating. I'm angry at myself for not just taking charge of my own life and still being tied to shit that just don't matter. 

I wonder everyday why I do this to myself. This is where the self-loathing comes in.

I need to get out of this city, far away where no one knows me. 

That Sense of Belonging

photo by Natasha

10.11.12. I've always wandered around trying to find out where I truly belong. I jumped careers, picked up new skills, meet new people but I've always found myself just floating around aimlessly. 

But last Saturday at the gala premiere of War of the Worlds: Goliath, was the happiest I've felt in a long time -- ever since Jordan left for Hong Kong really. 

It was like a high school reunion. Despite seeing it almost a thousand times before while working on it, I was absolutely proud of myself when it played on the big screen. The feeling is something only a few can relate but I'm sure no one can describe. I've worked on other films before but for some reason I felt prouder for this - maybe I was more involved in it this time around.

The old team was like a family to me - we laughed together, ate together, yelled at each other, get on each other's nerves, hung out together, confided in each other, and spent most of our waking moment together. I loved every minute of it.

Last Saturday was one of the best days of my life. The feeling and the experience, I wouldn't trade it for anything. And no one can take it away from me.