Quarter of a Century

I turned 25 on the third day of Eid. Shit just got that much serious. Now I need to get real with my life and future now. For real.

First, pictures of my Eid. Hopefully you had a good one.

Intense pain

Most of us have gotten chickenpox when we were little. Some parents even shoved their kids to other kids who have the chickenpox so they'll get it young. Now I more or less understand why.

I had chickenpox when I was little. But a few days ago, the doctor told me I had contracted the herpes zoster virus. Before you jump into all sort of conclusion due to lack of information, chickenpox is caused by the varicella zoster virus, which even though you got them can develop into herpes zoster, commonly known as shingles caused by reactivation of the varicella zoster virus YEAAAAAAARS after having chickenpox.

So no, my herpes (lol it's still funny to say it) is not on my genitals, but it's on my chest to my back. All on the left side. It starts from the middle of my chest, all the way to my spine, following my ribs. The sores are in one straight line.

The sores appear within the course of 4 days. It started Monday when I felt a burning sensation on my skin. But there were no redness or rashes. My chest hurts when I push down on it but my lungs weren't in pain. It hurts my back when I breathe. I thought I had somehow bruised my ribs. Looking back now, I wish I had bruised my ribs instead.

I finally went to the clinic on Thursday, I couldn't take the pain anymore. Doctor said I got herpes zoster but the rashes hadn't surfaced fully yet. He prescribed me some antivirals and cream (the same one for genital herpes says the box). I went to work on Friday not knowing that it's actually contagious.

It didn't go down much on Saturday so I went for a follow up. It's full blow herpes zoster now and more sores creep up. I was told by the doctor to keep myself quarantined over the next few days. I have 3 days worth of medication left and I was told it'll go down by the 4th day of infection. It's the 3rd day since I started taking the medication 5 times a day.

Why am I telling you this? To keep yourself healthy.

But also, remember that the herpes simplex virus isn't only on the genitals, but also on the skin. And I am unlucky enough to get it.

I'll tell you this: I would rather fracture my arm 10 times than go through this again. This has to be the worst thing that has happened to me medically.

Gift of the Written Word

When I was a younger teenager, I used to write a lot. Mainly fiction. I kept a few physical journals, several Livejournal accounts and a few blogs. Up until I was 20, I used to update my blog 8 to 10 times a day. My imagination ran wilder than a masterless horse. I used to have a way of communicating a whole lot more and I used to have a lot more stories to tell.

But as I get older, I began to be a little more reserved, less of a storyteller. I can't figure out why exactly. I don't like to think that I have just exhausted my imagination and gave way to the real adult life and ways of thinking.

For the past 6 weeks, I have taken on an online screenwriting class from UCLA. It is probably the best RM2000+ I've spent so far. But I noticed as I wrote my midterm and especially final year paper, I began to face some difficulties. Mainly in expressing and explaining certain points. I couldn't find the words.

And it makes me sad. My dad always said that I have this gift for words. But I fear I might have lost it as I got older.

After dropping out of MMU, the six months I spent at home was when I did the most of my writing. Fiction mainly. But when I finally went back to school, my writing was restricted to academic writing. In the first semester I had written a 200-page report for Sociology and it made me realize that my professors are never going to read it page to page. So I began to write shorter reports, shorter essays. The reports and essay still delivered my points, but it was in a more... simple language. Simply because I had group members that needed to read it to understand in order to do presentations.

Not to say that they were dumb, not at all. But I realized that some people might just not get to where I was going with the reports.

But in my eyes, I see it as what it is: I got lazy.


I hate to admit that I've gotten lazy. I want to be able to write and create better stories for people to read. I want to be able to pick up a book again and read and expand my imagination in order for me to write my own stories. But it's even harder to pick up a book and finish reading it nowadays because I just get incredibly exhausted.

I want to write again. I want to be able to put together words that will invoke an emotion in a person - make them happy, make them upset, provoke and disturb them in ways that I used to know how.